Book Memory

Hello, sorry I haven’t posted in forever. I actually started classes again and also started something new called a Bullet Journal. Which I am in love with! I’m already a full month in to using it and I like it! But anyway back to what I came here to discuss. A book memory. What I mean by this is that the memory you get when rereading a certain book. Well I just got one the other day.

I love rereading my books, hell that’s why I have so many (over 2,000). Well I was reading this book for a little bit and finally got a part I remembers. It was where the main woman goes to have dinner with her verbally abusive father and too-good mother, who were now divorced from each other and have significant others. When I read the first couple lines of the chapter I got hit with a very sad memory. My mother in hospital and me sleeping on the hospital room couch. I was so upset, I had to sit down on the ground for a moment. I could not believe it hit me so hard. It was almost two years ago now.

The full memory was me laying on the couch with an animate angry face on as I discussed how pissed I would be if I was the main woman with my mother. My mother had been admitted to the hospital for a blood clot in her leg where she had knee surgery. I was faking so hard at being so upset about my book just so I didn’t break down crying at the thought that my mother literally could have died just days after Thanksgiving.

Just typing this, my heart is clenching and just feeling like shit because a year after that my maternal grandmother died. I can only think of how lucky I was not to lose my own mother even though my heart shattered at loosing the woman who had a huge part in making me who I am. She supported my writing, always saying I would be a great author. Too bad she’s not gonna be able to see me finish my first novel.

Anyway, sorry for such a sad piece. I just needed to get it out.

Thanks for reading,

J~

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Day 2— College is sooo fun…

So like a classic tale of woes. The second day of the semester for me and I’m coughing up a lung. At first I was kind of mad at my mother who was the first to be sick in my family but when i entered my first class, almost ten other people were coughing, nasally sounding and holding tissues. It must be a cold going around right now but I am super pissed that I caught it in the first place. I could barely listen to my Egypt Prof. talk because I was so tired from the crap that kept me up all night… It started Sunday night with a sore throat but I didn’t think much of it because i thought it was just from drinking a little too much wine that night. Now I want to die! I am sooooo over today and I have’t even got to my second class. So I’m sitting in the Az heat trying to possibly sweat out the nasty crap that is making me into one of those nasty mouth breathers.

On a happier note, my next class is on Asia history when the British invaded. I’m excited because the prof. I had for my SE Asian History Online course is actually the prof for this class as well. I may have emailed her a little too much with questions and I’m pretty sure she thinks I’m a nutter. But I’m excited to met her because she was really helpful and allowed me to be excited about Anna and the King of Siam and a movie about Burma. I had to write a review on both.

With that I’m pretty much over my rant. As always thank you for reading…

~J

First day of Fall Semester~

Okay so my first day of this fall semester started technically today but for me it started yesterday. It started when I checked the online class notifications that my Women’s class was going to have me doing at least four different hard papers. I immediately dropped that class. I told myself that I was not going to write more than three papers for a class especially not for an elective. I had to write a 20 page paper last spring semester and it basically gave me heart problems. I don’t want to go through that bullcrap again. So I picked up another class that I actually need for my degree. Continuing with last night, I could not get to sleep. My mind kept trying to figure out where I wanted to park. In the end, I had to finish watching Mamma Mia! and put on Jurassic Park before I could actually pass out. Before my first day even starts and I’m freaking out.

So this morning comes and my body figures that it should wake up 15 minutes early. I wanted to cry when i looked at my phone. But there really is no logical point in going back to sleep for only 15 minutes. Soooo I decided to get dressed, last night I had chosen my outfit. I had asked my father to knock on my door at 5:30 because he wakes up at like 4 am. I was already dressed except for my top because I’ve learned the hard way that you never eat at home with a good shirt on. (You’re just too laid back to be careful and want to actually try stopping food from falling on it.) Anyway once he’s gone and I am finally eating, it decides to start raining… IN freaking AZ! But I know better. It rains for like a second and it sunshine and heat the rest of the day. Anyways, I spend the next two hours dreading driving. FYI i hate driving due to the car accident. I use to scream and curse people out while driving, now I can’t even attempt to try that because my heart is already racing at an unnatural pace. Anyways I made it safely to campus. I paid two more dollars than last semester for all day parking. Kind of super pissed about that. Anyways I get to my first class which is an ASM class. For anyone who doesn’t know what that it is, it basically means an anthropology class, if you don’t know what that big word is… look it up please. Anyways it turns out the old bat does not want us to use our laptops, some bullcrap about know getting the same immersion as taking notes by hand. I wanted to cry! I have horrible handwriting.

Anyways, during that class I get email from my second class professor saying that class has been canceled… I wanted to cry again because now I have to wait 4 hours til my next class starts! Ugggggg! Guess what? I’m still waiting!

Anyway thanks for reading.

~J

 

 

RED-

I am a huge fan of all movies. If its a well done action thriller, I’m your girl. Crappy B-rated syfy movie that has no point, I’m all over it. Romantic Comedies, like Ugly Truth loving it! Alien Gore Fest, even better! Old actors being badasses, count me in. That’s the movie series, I wanna talk about. RED. Retired Extremely Dangerous. You know what, this movie is my lullaby. RED and RED 2 are both my lullaby, plus a whole other list of movies (that’s for another blog). These movies are based on gun slinging retired spies comic that was actually quite short. I personally find the movie appealing for a few reasons:

  1. Bruce Willis is in it. I literally grew up watch Hans Gruber fall from Nakatomi Tower every Christmas. (I have three older brothers, I rarely watched feminine shows or even just kid shows). But Bruce Willis is literally one of my favorite actors. He’s the man you call to kick ass!
  2. Taboo love? Older man and younger woman? How can you not love that? Its kind of a redundant taboo but for this movie it is perfect! Its even funnier because its like a case of Stockholm Syndrome, she falls in love with the guy who she thinks is kidnapping her (but really he’s saving her life).
  3. Guns! Lots of guns! Love the shooting scenes and how badass the different kinds of guns there are used. I personally love the French Quarter scene when Bruce steps out of the spinning cop car. Its pretty awesome, even if its fact.
  4. Supporting Cast! John Malkovich, the bad guy off of Con-Air, Helen Mirren (One of my favorite British actresses, she literally does everything), Morgan Freeman and the chick from Weeds, Mary-Louise Parker. But I’ll also throw Karl Urban in to the mix of great supporting cast because he can play a bad guy and a good guy, which maybe why I love him too!
    1. For RED 2- Some of my favorite actors are in it too! Anthony Hopkins- my all time favorite fictional serial killer! Catherine Zeta-Jones- I remember watching Mask of Zorro with my mother as a little girl and rooting for her when she and Zorro fought for the first time ;). Gotta throw my Remus Lupin out there as well, David Thewlis. One of my favorite Harry Potter Characters! Byung-hun Lee is also a creditable very sexy Korean actor that I first watched in G.I. Joe Rise of Cobra, makes any movie better. He definitely added the sexy factor to RED 2 kind of like Karl Urban did for the first one. But definitely better because DAMN he is sexy!
  5. I’ve watched both of these movies so much, I can easily drift off to sleep with them. So when I’m sick, I use them to gauge how bad I am. If I can fall asleep to it, I’ll survive but if they pain keeps me up, something is totally wrong.

I think there is only one type of movie I can’t stand which are movies that are about love that end horrifically or make me cry for very upsetting reasons. Examples: Notebook, Titanic, any of stupid movie made from a book from Nicolas Sparks pretty much sums my hated genre of movies. I can stand crying about one or two scene through a whole action movie or some other type of movie but to be constantly crying is just annoying. Plus I’m an ugly crier; boogies, puffy red eyes and everything.

As always thanks for reading my rants and reviews-

J~

 

On my mind~~~

So in the last 10 years I’ve had about five or six surgeries. My poor older brother is currently doing PT for his second surgery for the same problem with in a year of the last one. Now, I sit here and think about my own surgeries. Legs, mouths, hands. I wanted to actually write about this because apparently I have something that is pretty rare and usually found in intensely active people (like super soccer players or basket ball players) or people who have gone through an intense trauma. I have something called Compartment syndrome, for me it is a throbbing pain I’ve had for years as I walk through campus, my house or anywhere really. Meaning I really can’t walk for a long time because the pain becomes horrible it feels like my legs are going to explode. As a firm believer of not self-internet induced diagnosing, I avoided googling it before it was confirmed.

BUT- after almost 5 months of trying to get the test to confirm why my legs were in constant pain from just walking around the house or doing chores, I finally got an appointment. Sadly, three days before I t-bone some idiot who comes racing out of a neighborhood in a five lane wide, main street trying to get to another neighborhood on the other side with out stopping at the stop sign. I ended up with a bruised collar bone, nose, ribs, chest, stomach, upper back, whole right leg, plus cut across my throat from my necklaces and fingers that I’m pretty sure that were broken but I had a stupid doctor who didn’t want to hear about that pain (I’ve literally crushed one of my fingers, I know the pain of broken fingers). I could not do the test in anyway. So I put it off for two weeks.Still a bad idea.

Why? Well, the testing for this syndrome is a BITCH. I didn’t know that because as I said I didn’t want to self-diagnose. I thought all I had to do was exercise and then they would put some kind of wrap around my legs (like a blood pressure cuff) to test the muscles. That was stupid of me. Nope. They didn’t even want me to exercise. My Doctor said that I was lay down and he would stick a needle into the muscles and test them. That didn’t really set any alarm bells off for me. BUT it should have. Especially if they were only numbing the skin. So there are four compartments in your lower leg for your muscles and one is in the back, so i assumed I would lay one my stomach so he could stick the needle in easier. NOPE. He just numbed my skin in all the areas quickly and that felt like a million ants just rushing over my skin nipping at it as they went. Then the long ass needle went into my muscles from the front as I laid on my back. Let me tell you this, it hurt like a Bitch. I’d never wish that kind of pain on anyone. Not even my jerks of brothers. I wanted to cry so much as he stabbed me four times in each leg for each compartment. It was horrible. I can’t even describe how it felt. Overall, I was positive in six of all eight compartments. I am going for yet another surgery for my legs. Called a fasciotomy. To say, I self-diagnosed after the test is an understatement. I googled the shit out of everything and anything. But that’s for a blog post for a later day.

Thanks for reading!

J~

 

I’m Back! And its not good…

Well, I haven’t blog in pretty much forever, so here I go. At this current moment I’m taking a summer college course, living with throbbing constant pain in my calves (yes, both of them) when ever I walk, I have gained back six pounds that I had previously lost a few weeks ago due to a car accident (totally not my fault) that made me immobile for two weeks, and I just barely got rid of my brother (plus his GF/pre-fiancee [his words not hers’] and their 2 month baby] but all in all I’m living a life a lot better than many people out there so I’m not sweating the small stuff right now.

What made me come back to blog is a feeling in my gut after watching my mother crying and totally distraught after how her own son treats her. If any woman out there has a grown child that treats you like bird crap on the windshield of a brand new car, you have every right to shut that down right away. I’ve seen mothers on TV always use the line, “I brought you in to this world, I can take you out.” I fully support this statement. You know what women have a choice to give birth but they also have a choice to bring that child up in the a society that is set up to tear them down. I personally can’t imagine ever hurting my mother in the way I have seen my own brothers hurt her. No its not physical but heart breaking. Not just to my mother but to me as their younger sister, who has to try and pick up the pieces (and that shit is not easy), to my father (who sometimes adds to the fire they create) and I know deep in my heart that it hurts and hurt my grandmother (who passed away).

My grandmother was one of the most strongest women in my life. Both of my grandmothers were. I didn’t get a chance to truly know my father’s mother but my mother’s mother, I lived with that woman at least one weekend every other month for years. I know that she looks down at my brothers and shakes her head. I know that she would want to be here for my mother because my mom is going through almost the same thing that my grandmother did with my uncle and his family. Its a devastating, disgusting repeat of history. And both of these women (my mother and grandmother) do and did not deserve such treatment. As I types these words my mother is at a doctors appt and tears are just falling down my face. How can they not? My brothers treat her like a maid when its convent for them. One has an attitude that can rival any pissed off cat, he’s mean to her for absolutely no reason and treats her like a child. The other one only shows up to ask for favors because his wife can’t understand the meaning of ‘saving money’ or for the fact she has a degree for teaching and does use it. Same brother uses his own children like freaking chips on a black jack table and my parents have to play to see them. I don’t know if any of my family other than my mother might stumble upon this blog but if they did they should be ashamed.

I do want to tell mothers that as a sibling watching her other brothers treat their mother like crap, speak up. Tell them to stop, maybe “cut the umbilical cord” (Favorite line from Lost World: Jurassic Park). Maybe one of these days, I’ll grow a back bone and start a full one family feud to protect her, one can only dream. But for now all I can do is sit beside her as she cries and support her.

Thanks that’s it for now!!!

Being sick…

One of the things, I truly, undeniably hate about being sick is throwing up. When you get that feeling in your stomach that its about to flip but that’s not the only warning. The worst part is when your mouth is so dry and then its starts like opening on it own. Your body knows its going to throw up and you’re like ‘La Di Da let me try to eat something because’ -=— BLECHHHHHH!!!! Its like your body is messing with your mind, saying “you’re just nauseous because you didn’t eat lunch” but you’re really just dying inside. Your stomach is doing a ten mile tango while your mouth is getting ready to rip open like the Jocker’s. All the while throwing up, you’re hugging a nasty germ infected toilet bowl while crying because its the only thing you can do.

If you didn’t understand from my introduction, I was sick last night. I blame the possibly out of date apple sauce I ate on the way home that was hiding at the bottom of my backpack for almost a year. I woke up four more times throughout the night, throwing up the first time and sitting next to the toilet for 30 minutes and gagging and hugging the toilet for almost an hour the other three times. It was AWESOME… NOT!!!

First of all, I’m a sleep kind of person. If I don’t get sleep, I’m mean biotch. Add empty stomach, extra mean biotch plus nasty bottle water and stale as anything crackers at 12 in the morning. I am not a happy camper right now. Plus I have to write at least 5 more pages to a 17 page paper that is due next week. I’m soooo screwed. I highly doubt I will get any of that done.

Anyways, as always thanks for reading…

Jen

 

First Post on My Very Own Blog

Well like stated above, this is my first post of my own blog. I current just got home from a baby shower themed Harry Potter, and let me tell you, it was adorable. I think that it was done cutely and even more so tasteful. It was a mixed group, so it wasn’t just for girls. Guys came to hang out with all the chicks, it was nice. The baby shower was for my older brother and his girlfriend (a totally adorable couple), they are both obsessed with Harry Potter so they asked for her mom to do it in that. They also turned to my mom and I for some aid. They asked if I wanted to do the desserts. (FYI I love baking and trying new recipes). I quickly said yes and began my plan of attack. I made Exploding Bonbons, Golden Snitches (cake pops), Chocolate Frogs and Candy Wands. This was also with the help of my mother, who is always my sue chef. These were all made for over 60 people so me and my mother worked our fingers to the bones for two days while I did not one but three different papers for my college courses.

But to continue with my blog, is I have plan. A plan where I use this blog to write about books, movies and even for me to rant about my family which I often have issues with but also rant about college or just life in general. I often have very point views and love to talk about them so sorry in advance…

In this blog, you’ll probably find out that I am crazily obsessed with a million different movies, tv shows, books, mangas, comic books and even plays. I’m not a one type of person, I read and watch everything under the sun, I find everything interesting.

Well that’s all for now!!

~Jen